Let Them Play! - Biting your tongue

I’m watching my daughter play independently with plastic domino pieces and a plate from the play kitchen. She is highly focused and engaged with whatever she might be trying to do. She has lined them up, stacked them up, and put them on and off the plate many times.

As I sit here and watch her, I keep finding myself having to bite my tongue from stepping in, especially when things happen that I know that I would find so frustrating. For example, she keeps trying to carry them on the plate, but they keep sliding off. I feel bad that she keeps struggling with this.

But when I paused and stopped myself from interjecting, I realized that she isn’t frustrated by this at all. She wasn’t feeling sorry for herself every time she had to pick up the pieces that spilled off her plate. This was MY discomfort with what I perceived as her struggling, not hers. It was all just part of her process of playing. I didn’t need to step in and say “aww man, it fell, try holding the plate flatter.” She was perfectly happy learning about the world through play, not needing me to insert my own agenda.

This remind me how one of the things I had to unlearn as a kindergarten teacher that shifted towards a focus on learning through play and child-centered environments was letting go of this need to “teacher.”

So often we feel like we have to do more, say more, teach more, etc, when really doing less and just being in the presence of our kiddos is sometimes all the need. When kids are out exploring their world, sometimes they just need us to watch over them and delight in their being. (Circle of Security Parenting goes into all of this!)

Sometimes I struggle with biting my tongue and just being there. It feels like I’m not “doing enough.” But when I can recognize and sit with my own discomfort and let the moment play out, I’m usually pleasantly surprised by what she is really needing from me in that moment.